


Boxes

by hotneokitty



Category: South Park
Genre: Friendship/Love, Gay, Homosexuality, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, over emotional teen, under emotional teen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-06-27 02:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotneokitty/pseuds/hotneokitty
Summary: Stan is failing. Failing at life, failing at friendship, and failing at love. He's quickly falling into deeper despair, it may be impossible for anyone to reach in and pool him back out.Kyle is trying. Trying to get through one last year of high school, trying to get into a good school, trying to save his best friend from his own thoughts of unimportance. And, most desperately, trying to hide his biggest secret from his most important person.





	1. Free Of Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NoaLie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoaLie/gifts).



> My sister demanded I start writing again, so I wanted to write something upbeat and cheerful. But the song on my ipod changed and this secreted from my finger tips instead. I apologize, sis.

            Stan wanted to give up, to finally reach the end of this horrible life. To no longer hear the laughter, and hurtful uncaring words in his head. Some even telling him he should just die. The looks of pity he received, as he walked through the school halls, just made him feel worse. Had he ever done anything to provoke such harshness. Stan was getting tired of it! Tired of hurting everyone he loved. He didn't understand what was wrong with himself. It wasn’t as though he had chosen to see the world this way, he really did try to see through the shit.

             His parents had even split up because of him. His mother had even admitted the divorce was his fault. Stan even knew his father had left because he couldn't stand the apathetic teen. He left his wife to deal with their sons morose, and complete lack emotion alone.

             And now, he knew he was holding his best friend back from having fun. Kyle, the only thing Stan could bring himself to care about, was stuck with him because of loyalty. All of his other friends had given up and abandoned him long ago. He stayed by Stan’s side instead of going to parties with their classmates, claiming “It would be totally lame, anyway. I’d rather play video games in your room.” He accepted the fact that his super best friends life would be so much better without him. Kyle probably wouldn't care if Stan were gone, may even be grateful that he would no longer have to deal with him.

             Stan stood from the dining chair he had been sitting in, slumped over the table as he pontificated his entire existence. He slowly moved to the kitchen sink and, hesitating for only a minute. Stan reached into its depths, is fingers wrapping around a hard plastic handle.

The kitchen door swung open and Sharon strode in, laden with several heavy grocery bags, smiling and talking enthusiastically.

             "I've noticed you've been down lately," she began setting the bags on the table. "So I got some brownies and your favorite ice cream. I invite-sweatie, what's wrong?"

             She looked at her teenage son with concern. Stan was standing at the sink and had turned toward her as she had spoken. An apologetic expression present on his paling face.

             Just as she noticed the heavy amount of blood dripping from her son's right arm, the boy crumpled into a heap on the tiled floor. Sharon rushed to his side, noting the large cutting knife slipping from his left hand. The right was coated in blood. The distraught mothers eyes reached the brutal gash running across her little boys’ forearm, she began to sob.

             “Ms Marsh?” Kyle poked his head around the wall between the kitchen and dinning room. His eyes catching sight of his friend. “Oh god! Stan!”

             He hurriedly pulled out his cell and urgently gave the Marsh’s address to the operator. Dropping to his knees next to his friends mother, Kyle pulled his jacket off and pressed it to the large wound.

              “Ms Marsh,” Kyle called the woman’s attention forcing his phone into her trembling hand. “They need to know what’s happened.”

                “Kyle?” Stan’s voice was weak as he spoke his best friends name. “Let me go.”

                 Kyle tightened his grip, and just stared at Stan. He didn’t know what the other boy meant, but he was sure he didn’t want to.

                “His hand slipped while doing the dishes.” Ms Marsh was saying into the phone. Kyle was sure she was lying, and he had no idea why, but he desperately wanted to believe her false words.


	2. Prayer in My Pocket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this forever ago, thought I already posted it.

Kyle hated hospitals. He hated their overly clean smells, and the pure white walls. But right now he hated, more than anything, the fact that his best friend lie sleeping on the cramped little bed next to his uncomfortable pea-green chair. Wires, and machines, whoms purposes he didn’t know, surrounded the unusually pale young man.

‘This is wrong.’ Kyle thought as he wiped yet another of the endless stream of tears from his cheek. ‘He shouldn’t be this pale, he shouldn’t be here! I should have gone home with him, after school.’

The thoughts kept berating him. If he hadn’t let Cartman get to him during P.E. he wouldn’t have punched the fatass and ended up in detention. He would have gotten in Stan’s car, and talked him into letting him go to his house to play video games, instead of being dropped off at his own house.

‘I should have been with him.’ Sure, Kyle would admit Stan had been even more shut off then usual, there were times when he seamed like a zombie, or maybe an android. And he hadn’t really spent much time with him this week, he needed to study if he wanted to get into a good collage. But Kyle wouldn’t leave his side, not this time.

When he was nine, it was different. He didn’t really understand, he thought Stan was just being difficult. Now he knew better, Stan had been correctly diagnosed at this point. Bipolar disorder wasn’t something he could just turn off when it became inconvenient.

Kyle could hear Stan’s parents talking with the doctor in the hall, but he couldn’t make out what was being said. He hoped Ms. Marsh had kept up her lie, that they weren’t going to lock his friend away. It was selfish, he knew, if Stan needed help it may be for the best. But he needed Stan. Kyle had pretty much revolved his life around his friend.

“They’re talking about putting me on the psych ward, aren’t they?”

Kyle jumped when the voice spoke from the bed. Stans' eyes were a little droopy, but they were locked on Kyle.

“I…I don’t think so.” Kyle stammered, wiping his face on his sleeve again. “Your mom said it was an accident. That you were doing the dishes and your hand slipped.”

Stan closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and let it out. He reached his uninjured hand out to Kyle. The red head clung to it desperately with both of his own hands.

“Is it the truth?” Kyle whispered, almost praying Stan wouldn’t hear. Desperately wanting to cling to the obvious lie. Maybe Stan would let him.

“You’re to smart to ask that Kyle.” Stan’s eyes opened to glare at his friend, he almost looked angry Kyle had asked. He hopped Stan was angry, it would be the first emotion Kyle had seen from him in months. “You’re the smartest person in this shit town, don’t pretend to be stupid just to feel better.”

“You were being stupid first!” Kyle sprung to his feet, but tightened his grip on Stans' hand. Angry tears sprung from his eyes. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking,” Stan took a long breath and looked toward the window, away from his concerned friend. “That you would be better off if I was gone, that you’d be able to go out and have fun without feeling bad about leaving me behind.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Kyle dropped Stans' hand as he growled gripping his bright orange hair in his fists. “You’re not holding me back from shit, and you know it! If it wasn’t for you I’d just be locked in my room studying all the time. Don’t you dare say this is my fault!”

“No, not you fault.” Stan moved to try and sit up, but winced when the motion upset his stiches. “Fuck, that actually hurt.”

“What! You thought carving a replica of the Grand Canyon in your arm would tickle?” Kyle walked around the bed, adjusted the wires hooked up to his friend, and hit the button to raise the top part of the bed. Trying to make his friend more comfortable despite his anger at him.

“I thought the drugs that are making me feel like I’m made of cotton candy, would keep it from hurting.” Stan mumbled as the sleepy feeling that had been momentarily pierced by the movement crept back when Kyle hit a button resting next to Stan’s hand.

“Being made of cotton candy would make my desire to lick you make more sense.” Kyle froze in his action of straightening the blanket over Stan, eyes widening. He really hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Maybe Stan didn’t hear him, he was a mumbler.

 “Everything looks all fluffy, but I’m still all hurty.”

“Apothecary, thy drugs are quick.” Kyle smiled at Stan as he sat on the edge of the bed. Loopy Stan was almost his old friend.

“Hey, don’t you talk funny.” Stan frowned at him, tilting his head back on his pillow. “I like when you talk smart.”

“Just don’t do anything like this again.” Kyle placed a hand on Stans' leg, as he slipped back to sleep. “You really scared me.”

Kyle looked up as the door opened.

“He’s still asleep?” Sharon spoke to Kyle as she peered at her son. “I thought I heard him talking.”

“He woke up.” Kyle removed himself from the bed and moved to the side. “But he didn’t say much, he was kinda out of it.”

“Like he would have said much anyway.” Randy scoffed behind his ex-wife. “Well, I wasted an afternoon. Tell Stan I’ll see him next week end, call if he wants to cancel again.”

Randy meandered back out to the hall. Sharon glared at his retreating back.

“Did he say anything?” She turned, eyes pleading, as she lowered her voice to a desperate whisper. “About what happened?”

“Umm, yeah.” Kyle knew exactly what she wanted to hear. He knew she would choose to believe whatever he told her, especially if it’s what she wanted the truth to be. “You were right!” Kyle despised his own voice as he put on false cheer. “Totally an accident. He wasn’t paying attention while washing dishes and the knife just slipped.”

She smiled gratefully at him. Kyle knew she would ignore the lack of water or soap in the kitchen sink, not giving another thought to the truth she knew but would continue to deny. He hoped it was the right choice. Was he risking his best friends’ life? What if he tried again? It would be Kyle’s fault for not telling the truth, for letting his friends mother believe her son was stable. Mabey Stan shouldn’t be left alone.

“Well, you should probably be getting home. It’s gotten so late.” Sharon looked at her watch, as Kyles inner turmoil ate at him. “They said Stan can come home tomorrow, s-”

“Can I move in?” Kyle blurted out interrupting the frazzled woman. “I mean.” Kyle calmed himself for a moment, he didn’t want to sound like a stalker. So, he used a truth he hadn’t shared with his friend yet. “It’s just… I came out to my parents an few weeks ago. My mom’s been cool about it, but dad..”

Kyle trailed off, hoping Ms. Mash would put the rest together. In fact, his mom was being too cool about it, but his dad was getting pretty bad. He wouldn’t let Kyle be in a room alone with Ike. Kyle wasn’t sure if it was because he thought Kyles gayness was contagious, or if he thought Kyle was gunna do something to his own little brother. Both accusations kind of pissed him off.

“Oh, of course sweetie.” A very large smile grew on the womans' face. “You’re always welcome in our home. Feel free to use the guest room or Stan’s room.”

That was easy. Kyle was certain Ms. Marsh had the same fear of leaving her son alone as he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Apothecary, thy drugs are quick.” - Kyle quoted a line from Romeo and Juliet. (In case anyone didn't recognize it.)


End file.
